The Letter I Never Sent
周日下午，李静决定整理那个她已经不敢打开的衣柜。
Sunday afternoon, Li Jing decide tidy-up that (M) she already not dare open (POSS) wardrobe.
Sunday afternoon, Li Jing decided to clean out the closet she had been avoiding for years.
她今年四十二岁，孩子上大学去了，丈夫在外地出差。
She this year forty-two years-old, child attend university go (PERF), husband at out-of-town business-trip.
She was forty-two now. Her son had gone off to college, her husband was away on a trip.
屋子里只有她一个人和午后的阳光。
House inside only have she one (M) person and afternoon (POSS) sunlight.
In the house there was only her and the afternoon light.
衣柜最下面有一个旧鞋盒，上面写着“别动”两个字。
Wardrobe most bottom have one (M) old shoe-box, on-top write (CONT) "don't touch" two (M) character.
At the bottom of the closet was an old shoebox marked “Don't Touch” in her own handwriting.
她笑了一下——那是二十年前的自己写的。
She laugh (PERF) one bit — that is twenty year ago (POSS) self write (POSS).
She had to laugh. The twenty-two-year-old her had written that.
她坐在地上，把盒子放到自己的腿上，慢慢打开。
She sit at ground on, (BA) box place to self (POSS) leg on, slowly open.
She sat on the floor, set the box on her lap, and opened it slowly.
里面有几张老照片、一个学生证、还有一封信。
Inside have several (M) old photo, one (M) student card, also have one (M) letter.
Inside were a few old photos, a student ID, and a letter.
信封上没有写地址，也没有贴邮票。
Envelope on not have write address, also not have stick stamp.
The envelope had no address and no stamp.
可是上面有一个人的名字，那个名字她已经很多年没说出口了。
But on-top have one (M) person (POSS) name, that (M) name she already very many year not say-out-mouth (PERF).
But there was a name on it — a name she hadn't spoken aloud in many years.
她坐着不动，看了那封信很久才把它打开。
She sit (CONT) not move, look (PERF) that (M) letter very long only (BA) it open.
She sat still for a long time before she opened it.
纸已经有点儿黄，字是她当年的字，又小又用力。
Paper already have-bit yellow, character is she that-year (POSS) character, also small also use-force.
The paper had yellowed; the writing was her own from back then — small and pressed hard into the page.
“你大概永远不会看到这封信。”信里第一句这样写。
"You probably forever not will see this (M) letter." Letter inside first sentence this-way write.
“You'll probably never see this letter,” the first line read.
“可是我得写出来，不然我自己也不知道我心里有什么。”
"But I must write-out-come, otherwise I self also not know I heart inside have what."
“But I have to write it down, or I won't even know what I'm feeling.”
她读着读着，脸开始发热。
She read (CONT) read (CONT), face begin emit-heat.
As she read, her face grew warm.
二十二岁的她，敢爱、敢气、敢相信一切都还有可能。
Twenty-two year-old (POSS) she, dare love, dare angry, dare believe everything all still have possibility.
The twenty-two-year-old her had dared to love, dared to be angry, dared to believe anything was still possible.
信里写着她想跟他一起去南方看大海，想一起学画画。
Letter inside write (CONT) she want with him together go south see big sea, want together learn paint picture.
The letter said she wanted to travel south with him to see the ocean, that they should learn to paint together.
想给他做一辈子的饭，可是也想自己一个人去外国住几年。
Want for him make one lifetime (POSS) rice, but also want self one (M) person go foreign-country live several year.
She wanted to cook for him her whole life, but also wanted to go live abroad alone for a few years.
她记得当年自己就是这样的——什么都想要，也什么都敢想。
She remember that-year self exactly be this-way (POSS) — what all want, also what all dare think.
She remembered being like that — wanting everything, daring to imagine everything.
信的最后一句让她停了下来。
Letter (POSS) most last one sentence make her stop (PERF) down-come.
The last line in the letter made her stop.
“我害怕长大以后，把这些都丢了。”
"I afraid grow-big after, (BA) these all lose (PERF)."
“I'm afraid that when I grow up, I'll lose all of this.”
屋子里很安静。她把信放在腿上，看着窗外。
House inside very quiet. She (BA) letter place at leg on, look (CONT) window outside.
The room was very quiet. She set the letter on her lap and looked out the window.
她不会再去找他了。这么多年过去，那个人也早就不是那个人了。
She not will again go find him (PERF). This many year pass-go, that (M) person also early then not be that (M) person (PERF).
She wasn't going to find him. After all these years, that person wasn't even that person anymore.
她也不是那个二十二岁的姑娘。
She also not be that (M) twenty-two-year-old (POSS) girl.
And she wasn't that twenty-two-year-old girl either.
但她忽然明白——这封信不是写给他的。
But she suddenly understand — this (M) letter not is write give him (POSS).
But she suddenly understood — the letter had never really been for him.
是写给那个还相信什么都可能的自己。
Is write give that (M) still believe what all possible (POSS) self.
It was for the self who still believed anything was possible.
她过去的二十年——结婚、生孩子、换工作——都是好的。
She past (POSS) twenty year — get-married, give-birth child, change work — all is good (POSS).
Her twenty years — marriage, motherhood, jobs — had all been good.
可是有些东西，她确实慢慢放下了，也没再拿起来。
But have some thing, she really slowly put-down (PERF), also not again pick-up-come.
But there were things she had quietly put down and never picked up again.
她站起来，走到桌子前，拿出一张干净的纸。
She stand-up, walk to table front, take-out one (M) clean (POSS) paper.
She stood up, went to the desk, and pulled out a clean sheet of paper.
她不会写给那个男人。她要写给二十二岁的自己。
She not will write give that (M) man. She want write give twenty-two-year-old (POSS) self.
She wouldn't write to that man. She would write to the twenty-two-year-old version of herself.
她想了很久，第一句这样写：
She think (PERF) very long, first sentence this-way write:
She thought for a long time, then began:
“小李：你长大以后变成了一个不错的人。”
"Xiao Li: you grow-big after become (PERF) one (M) not-bad (POSS) person."
“Dear Xiao Li: You grew up to be a good person.”
“你想做的事，做了一半。还有一半，没忘。”
"You want do (POSS) matter, do (PERF) one half. Still have one half, not forget."
“The things you wanted to do — you did half. The other half, you haven't forgotten.”
“画画的事我会重新开始。海，今年夏天我会去看。”
"Paint picture (POSS) matter I will re-new begin. Sea, this year summer I will go see."
“I'll start painting again. The ocean — I'll go see it this summer.”
“我没把你丢了。只是我藏起来太久了。”
"I not (BA) you lose (PERF). Only is I hide-up too long (PERF)."
“I didn't lose you. I just kept you hidden too long.”
她写完，把信放进一个新信封，写上自己现在家里的地址。
She write-finish, (BA) letter put-into one (M) new envelope, write-on self now home inside (POSS) address.
When she finished, she folded the letter into a new envelope and wrote her own current home address on it.
第二天早上，她走到街角的邮局，把信寄出去了。
Second day morning, she walk to street corner (POSS) post-office, (BA) letter mail-out-go (PERF).
The next morning, she walked to the post office on the corner and mailed it.
三天以后，那封信到了她家里的信箱。
Three day after, that (M) letter arrive (PERF) her home inside (POSS) mailbox.
Three days later, the letter arrived in her mailbox.
她站在门口，把信拿在手里，没急着打开。
She stand at doorway, (BA) letter hold at hand inside, not in-a-hurry open.
She stood in the doorway, the letter in her hand, in no rush to open it.
下午的风很温柔，吹过她的头发。
Afternoon (POSS) wind very gentle, blow-past her (POSS) hair.
The afternoon wind was gentle, brushing through her hair.
她在心里轻轻地说：“小李，欢迎回来。”
She at heart inside lightly (ADV) say: "Xiao Li, welcome back-come."
Quietly, in her heart, she said: “Xiao Li, welcome back.”